126165

Joke of the Day

"i had a dream a policeman came into my apartment and gave me a field sobriety test and i failed and went to jail"

"""Your resume has MPGMA listed under hobbies. What exactly is that?"" Making people guess the meaning of acronyms."

"I wanted to start my own last minute grandma rental service... But the name InstaGram was already taken."

"[invention of blue cheese] ""this cheese has gone off"" sell it ""but it's gone mouldy"" I SAID SELL IT! ""fine"" & double the price ""are u ok?"""

"never trust a persom who speaks in absolutes"

"Hey Verizon, here's an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends."

"Why did the chicken droid NOT cross the road? Because it had a bad motivator!"

"My local dollar store burned down Over $3000 worth of merchandise was lost"

"Christ died to absolve us of sin... Now if only he'd come back and die two more times to get rid of cos and tan."

"Don't make me drop my bean curd... ... or I'll lose my tempeh."