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Joke of the Day

"5-year-old: My teacher said this project needs adult supervision. Me: OK, what do you need me to do? 5-year-old: Go find Mom."

"Why don't old ladies receive orals sex? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"What's the capital of Canada? Tim Hortons."

"I, for one, completely agree with Hitler's plan... ...to kill himself. ____________________________________ Besides, if it wasn't for Hitler, who else would we compare our enemies to?"

"What did the thunder say when it understood the joke? I feel so enlightninged!"

"My anniversary is coming up Friday is my anniversary, I'll have been married for 35 years. Really it only 5 years, but I count in dog years because my wife is such a bitch."

"If a stranger catches you taking their photo, let them know it's okay by softly saying, ""Don't worry, this is just for me"""

"Stop telling me to ""keep calm""! I'm freaking out about why this British phrase has permeated American culture!"

"Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees."

"Anteater Kid: What's for dinner? Anteater Mom: Don't be a smart ass, Brandon."