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Joke of the Day

"I, for one, completely agree with Hitler's plan... ...to kill himself. ____________________________________ Besides, if it wasn't for Hitler, who else would we compare our enemies to?"

"[takes a massive shit on a bird in the park] See? Not nice, is it?"

"When I was in college I had all these philosophical questions. Now I just want to know how these kids got toothpaste under the toilet seat."

"Do you remember blowing bubbles in the bathtub as a kid? Saw him the other day, told me to say hello!"

"Thanks for nothing autocorrect, I'm never gonna get chicks being a ""homeless romantic""."

"Remember Doodle-Bob from Spongebob? So do I, guy was Sketchy as hell."

"Yo mama is so stupid She thought the Hardy-Littlewood inequality was a theorem relating dick sizes."

"Why are 9/11 victims great readers? They can go through 90 stories in 10 seconds"

"What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park in it, man!"

"I once swallowed two separate strings and they came out of my ass tied together. I shit you knot."