66890

Joke of the Day

"Costco is a great place to go if you want to shop for 15 minutes and then stand in line and judge people for an hour."

"I think these bikers are coming over to give me a group hug because they like the Hello Kitty stickers I put all over their motorcycles."

"*Paul Walker shouts down from the gates of heaven* ""YO DID I GET A MILLION LIKES ON FACEBOOK? THEY WON'T LET ME IN WITHOUT A MILLION LIKES"""

"What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? They both like to pop open a nice cold one."

"Dr: you have pneumonia Hillary: what's pneumonia Me: *fighting off secret service* not much monia what's pneu with you"

"Girl, you must be the SAT... 'cause I want to do you for three hours and forty five minutes with a ten minute break for snacks."

"Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote ""Dude (Looks Like a Lady)"" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?"

"How did the cheerleader get magic AIDS? A Magic Johnson."

"I'm running a 3K to raise awareness for the Klan!"

"That awkward moment when you realize you were born roughly nine months after 4/20."