152032

Joke of the Day

"Dr: you have pneumonia Hillary: what's pneumonia Me: *fighting off secret service* not much monia what's pneu with you"

"What do recent college graduates and felons have in common? It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them."

"Who hasn't had Somalian food? Somalian children"

"I think Chris Brown should be a storm trooper in the next Star Wars. Maybe he can actually hit somebody."

"When your parents get old, you take care of them the way they took care of you when you were young. Which is why I gave my kids heroin."

"I went to therapy because of all the years I've been putting Chef Boyardee inside of me... I finally admitted how much he's been sodium-izing me."

"I want someone to push me up against the wall.. lean in.. and softly whisper... ""I'll do your housework for you"""

"Why are Pakistan not allowed to play football? Because every time they get a corner they set up a shop."

"I recently got a rescue dog, but I'm not real happy with him. When I got lost while hiking, he was no help at all."

"A soldier was assaulted with pepper spray and mustard gas. He returned home a seasoned veteran."