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Joke of the Day

"Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks. Three ducks walk into a bar. The fourth one humans."

"Did you hear about the Lawyer defending the public masturbater?.... He got him off."

"Why don't women tip bartenders? They don't give a tip because they take the tip."

"To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you.. You have my Word."

"What Did the Fish Say When He Swam into a Wall? Damn."

"What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident? A Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. EDIT: Spelled ""Tyrannosaurus"" incorrectly."

"I have no idea how the cavemen could afford to eat paleo."

"GENIE: you have three wishes. ME: sweet, I wish for pie. GENIE: okay, whatever, you have 3.14 wishes."

"WIFE: Don't embarrass me in front of my boss, he's colorblind ME: Duh [later at party] ME: [to boss] So when did you learn Colorbraille?"

"If you don't know me, don't judge me. Unless you're making me a pizza and you say ""This woman looks like she wants extra cheese."" That's ok"