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Joke of the Day

"Ukraine are currently third in the Paralympics table, reaping the rewards of their investment programme... ...Or as we know it, 'Chernobyl 1986'"

"Multiple reports claiming Sting has been kidnapped The Police still have no lead."

"How do you kill a vegetarian vampire? With a steak to the heart."

"I used to have a job; ""I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off."""

"Went to the Doctor Yesterday... Went to the Doctor yesterday, he thinks I suffer from Paranoia... Well, he didn't say that, but I know he is thinking it!"

"Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he's married."

"I almost got raped in jail ... My family takes monopoly way too seriously."

"Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future. Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did."

"Sushi A and Sushi B Q: What did Sushi A say to Sushi B? A: WASSUP B?"

"Why was the ladybird kicked out of the forest? Because she was a litter bug."