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Joke of the Day

"Went to the Doctor Yesterday... Went to the Doctor yesterday, he thinks I suffer from Paranoia... Well, he didn't say that, but I know he is thinking it!"

"Marry Christmas Fuck New Year's Eve Kill Easter"

"When I bend down to feed the cat she leaps onto my back.When I try to stand back up it's the saddest tiny rodeo you've ever seen."

"iPhone 8 Screen [REMOVED]"

"It's getting Hot In Herre, so take off all your clothes! Also, drink this water because I don't want you to get dehydrated. -Nervous Nelly"

"What is a fretless bass good for? About thirty yards if you use both hands."

"""Mum! Dad's got his cock in the biscuit barrel!"" ""Don't worry, he's just fucking crackers."""

"Caught my wife cheating with the neighbor today so I smashed our big screen tv onto his head. That will teach them to prewatch the jeopardy dvr and try to outscore me without me knowing!"

"The past, the present & the future walk into a bar. It was tense."

"If you commit a crime be sure to wear running clothes, so if you need to flee the scene cops will just think ""Look at that healthy jogger"""