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Joke of the Day

"Sushi A and Sushi B Q: What did Sushi A say to Sushi B? A: WASSUP B?"

"In a knife fight with street entertainers I always go straight for the juggler."

"I just assume everyone on my Christmas list has been naughty. Makes things simpler."

"How am I supposed to show a girl I like her, if I can't even make her a mix tape anymore?"

"Sam Adams is the main reason I know what season it is."

"Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting? Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine."

"Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he's holding my hand & crying about his childhood. I need to wipe."

"English Teacher: So class we're going to be talking about Biased today ""So Fox News?"""

"TIFU by picking up a dead bee. It wasn't. Now my thumb hurts."

"Never pretend to be something you're not. Unless you're pretending to be sober, in which case that's probably a good idea. Keep doing that."