35531

Joke of the Day

"Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends? Because he's married."

"My wife walked in on me and found me f***ing our daughter... I didn't know what she found more disturbing, the fact I was f***ing our daughter, or that the abortion clinic sold me her fetus."

"1st day of middle school & my son REALLY didn't want to get picked on but he's dressed like a dorkwad & I couldn't help myself."

"I was bit by a radio active spider so now I wear a rubber suit, swing around like a monkey and use karate, you know, like a spider."

"Why did the Golfer feel aladeen about his socks ? He had a hole in one."

"I should probably never be a mom considering I'd rather drop a baby in a puddle than my iPhone"

"Ready to earn money staring at my screen all day so I can afford to go home & stare at my screen all night, repeating the process unto death"

"What happened when the carrot died? There was a huge turnip at the funeral."

"Dave: I don't want to sound stupid.... Me: Then stop right there and say nothing."

"The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply... ""Benedict Cumberbatch."""