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Joke of the Day

"A zombie visits the Dry Cleaners. He shuffles up to the assistant behind the counter, holds up his dirty underwear and says... ""STAAAAINNNS! STAAAAINNNNS!"""

"A doctor reaches into his pocket and finds his rectal thermometer He says ""Shit, some asshole took my pen!"""

"Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street and pass a playground, some little boy catches the Priest eye, and he tells his friend, ""Man I'd like to fuck him."" Rabbi replies, ""Out of what?"""

"Why do teenage girls only hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even."

"Who doesn't like lincoln logs john wilkes blocks"

"What's under the Pillsbury Doughboy's apron? Doughnuts"

"When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think ""you fucking dirty bastard"""

"Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I'll read 4 or 5 status updates and I'll cry, because they suck and I realize that I've wasted 2 or 3 minutes of my life."

"I thought I was watching 50 shades of Grey But I realised it was just a porno. I could tell the difference because they were having consensual sex."

"What's the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas? You only get presents from one set of grandparents."