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Joke of the Day

"A doctor reaches into his pocket and finds his rectal thermometer He says ""Shit, some asshole took my pen!"""

"What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist? A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats."

"How do you eat soup with chop sticks? Slowly."

"I told a wild dog to go away... It dingo anywhere."

"My buddy said I was a horrible wing man last night, but I'm not sure. I ate like 90 of them."

"Once again I'm reminded that pressing harder on a remote control when I know the batteries are getting dead is not an effective strategy."

"""F,DT I am."" - Yoda texting a girl that he's DTF"

"""Um excuse me, my eyes are up here. And here. And here, here, here, here, and here."" - spider with big tits"

"If you hear the words ""oh yeah, suck it"" coming from my bedroom, it's probably just me vacuuming."

"Why were the flies playing football in saucer ? They where playing for the cup !"