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Joke of the Day

"When the doctor prescribed the millennium a medical dog he was surprised the patient asked ""how do i smoke it"""

"what do you call a blond standing on her head? a brunette with bad breath..."

"I bought a new boomerang... and went damn near crazy trying to throw the old one away!"

"What do dads and grammar Nazis have in common? They're not there."

"Did you hear about the guy who fucked a sheep? Turns out he's bahhh-sexual"

"Why a fruit doesn't walk? Because fruit flies"

"What do you call the headquarters of an organization of space terrorists? ISISISS"

"Well, you won't get called a racist for criticizing the President anymore... ...you'll just get called a racist for supporting him."

"Girl, do you need an inhaler? 'Cuz I heard you got that ass mah."

"Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says ""if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new...."" ""anything"" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic."