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Joke of the Day
"A single text to my mom is like pulling that loose thread on a sweater."
Next Joke
"What is the definition of ""indefinitely""? When your balls slap your girlfriend's ass, you know you're in definitely."
"What's the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a hooker with diarrhea? The epileptic corn shucker shucks between fits."
"Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his teeth."
"What did the druggie do when he got acid? Took some tums"
"FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves you? SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses."
"I am a Renaissance Man in the sense that I'll probably die young of a horrible disease while great discoveries are made around me."
"7yo: I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU MOMMA SO I'M GOING TO BED EARLY Me: OH NO. NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT"
"My husband's signature move in bed is to roll over and take eighty percent of the covers with him."
"I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork."