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Joke of the Day

"Why did the walrus go to the container store? To find a tight seal. "

"Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it."

"Did you know David Guetta was French? In fact, I heard, in his hometown, he's also called David BaGuetta! HA^HA^HA^HA^Ha^ha"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because he 8n't afraid to bust out his 9."

"When God Handed out Chins... You Thought He Said Gins, And Asked For A Double."

"TIFU by not reading War and Peace. This wasn't today, this was ever. That book is way too long. I didn't read it. TL:DR Too Long. Didn't Read."

"""how was self-deprecating rap battle?"" I don't want to talk about it ""come on what happened?"" they saw my porsche ""oh ouch"""

"If anyone wants a tiger let me know. I bought one but he's being a d-bag and won't wear the matching sunglasses I bought us."

"What's the difference between amnesia and alzheimers? I can't remember."

"What kind of wood doesn't float? Natalie Wood"