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Joke of the Day

"""Can we not have sex tonight? I'm tired"" ""Hi Tired, I'm dad"""

"How do you break the nose of a blonde without touching her? Wave your cock underneath a glass table"

"Why do lesbians prefer going to Sports Authority? They don't like Dicks..."

"Linda from the office calls it a shawl but I know a shitty cape when I see one."

"How come Americans never play chess? Because they are missing two towers."

"Screw this! I'm going to leave the original joke making to the professionals! Dane Cook... Amy Schumer... Carlos Mencia..."

"I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that."

"My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell 'em: ""You're gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates""..... whatever!!"

"If a hipster falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it does it make a sound? Yeah, but you've probably never heard it"

"Almost had a threesome last night.... Just needed two more people (Sure its been done before but I couldn't resist)"