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Joke of the Day

"Wife: You should cut the grass. Me: Yes, dear. W: And, you really need to trim that bush. M: *mumbles* Yeah, you too. W: What? M: Yes, dear."

"I just finished arguing with a friend who thought that Charlize's role as Aeon Flux was much better than her role as Imperator Furiosa. I guess to each Theron."

"I said to my GF ""Please get me a newspaper."" ""Don't be silly,"" she replied ""you can borrow my iPad."" That spider never knew what hit it!"

"I went for a run. I was out 2 minutes before I had to return because I forgot something... ...I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes"

"Hey, Reddit. Time for Michael Jackson / Liz Taylor jokes! Go! Please. I can't think of one and I can just sense that this topic is ripe."

"Makeup tip: You're not in the circus."

"Fridges should have glass doors.That way i dont have to stand with the fridge door open trying to figure out my next move."

"Unemployment gives you time to follow your true passion: Worrying about money."

"A skeleton walks into a bar and says... give me a beer and a mop."

"This morning I went for a run and came back home after 2 mins because I forgot something... I forgot that I was fat and could only run for 2 mins."