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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a truck full of marbles and a truck full of babies? You can't unload a truck full of marbles with a pitchfork."

"If a man speaks his mind in a forest. And no woman hears him, is he still wrong?"

"Loooooser I am A Looser. Really You are?"

"How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs."

"Why can't you have two Apple watches? Because then it would be a pair (pear)!"

"What is small, crying and cannot get under the table? A child with pitchfork in his back"

"MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is... this ur card? [holds up card that says ""UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP""] ME: holy crap"

"What do you call a dog woth no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he's not coming"

"A flamingo in the streets and a lion in the sheets and a kangaroo at Target and I think Carl forgot to lock up the zoo last night."

"I bet if Bruce Banner had children he'd be the Hulk more than 90% of the time."