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Joke of the Day

"I like to listen to the Star Fox theme song to congratulate myself for having a successful string of social interactions"

"What do you call a horse who disagrees with you? Glue."

"*opens facebook messenger* *sips mtn dew twice* *strokes neckbeard* *begins typing* Sorry abt ur mom dying Tis a shame Btw ur attractive"

"What's the difference between a sweatshirt and a jacket? I don't sweatshirt 3 times a day."

"Hey do you mind if I play your street fighter game? SHORYUKEN!"

"When I see someone's name trending on twitter, I used to be afraid they died. Now I'm afraid they're a Republican presidential candidate."

"What's 6.9? A good thing screwed up by a period"

"An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ""You don't want to try these techniques at home...."

"""My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!""said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' ""No-spaghetti!''"

"So I went to the doctor, and he told me to stop masturbating. ""Why?"" I asked. ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""