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Joke of the Day

"A talented artist sculpts a dog out of melons. After it looks perfect, he takes a picture of it, then starts eating it. He is suddenly very sad. He was full of *melon-collie*."

"I tried to give myself a sex change operation but I couldn't pull it off."

"I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work."

"Talking to my friend about how useless I am with ladies... Me: ""I even had to stand on a damn ladder yesterday just to kiss my date goodnight..."" Him: ""Wow, was she tall?"" ""No, she hung herself."""

"Fun fact about Germany... Fooled ya... There's nothing funny about Germany"

"And the Lord said onto John, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"" But john came fifth and won a toaster"

"How do we know Paul Walker had dandruff? We found his Heads & Shoulders in the glove box."

"What did the square say to the triangle? You're outta line!"

"I avoid making friends by being honest with people"

"We had a muslim friend.. Who was always late to the class. We used to call him 9/12. Edit: he is still my best friend."