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Joke of the Day

"Electric Trains Q: What do electric trains and boobs have in common? A: They're both meant for small children, but it's the grown men that end up playing with them."

"I had a dream where I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. Where the hell is my pillow?"

"Just found out a spider's been living in my shower. Just hanging out. Quietly. Watching me. So, long story short, I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND!"

"I will never forget what my grandad said just before he kicked the bucket. He looked me dead in the eye and said. ""Wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"""

"Why did the Canadian DJ turn down a gig at a local gym? Because why MC, eh?"

"A guy goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide The librarian looks at him and says, ""Fuck off, you won't return it!"""

"Cyclists who don't obey the rules of the road should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt."

"I had sex with my girlfriend while camping once... It was really fucking in tents!"

"I'm not a recluse, I'm just playing hard to get with society."

"Once I had a dog... Once I had a dog name Marlboro who didn't have any legs. Sometimes I'd take him out and we'd go for a drag"