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Joke of the Day

"5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool."

"Donald Trump is probably the closest we'll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president."

"What was the internet speed in Canada in the 1990's? 56eh."

"Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree but that's the lowest mark I could give you!"

"I love every bone in your body, especially mine."

"So /r/The_Donald... That's it, what a joke."

"Why couldn't the lizard be aroused? He had a reptile dysfunction (I just made that up but I'm sure it's been thought of)"

"When should I send a picture of my cat to my boyfriend? I checked online and they keep saying I should make him wait to see my pussy, but I don't see what the big deal is."

"Give a man a fish... And he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish... And he'll wanna use your yacht!"

"Cats get a pass bc they're ""Cleaning themselves"". Dogs are like, Hey! I can reach this?!?!"