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Joke of the Day
"How do you excite an idiot? I'll tell you later."
Next Joke
"Him: Take them off. All of them. *slowly unbuttons 50 cardigans"
"MAYBE PEACH JUST LIKES BOWSER A LOT AND WE'RE FOLLOWING A NARRATIVE OF MARIO THE DELUSIONAL HOMEWRECKER. *cops pull me from operating room*"
"When people show me pictures of their kids I show them pictures of my exes. If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."
"What do you tell a girl with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."
"What do you do when your car is making a really annoying noise? Open the door and kick her out."
"Traffic cop: Just blow into this for me sir. Man in car: But that's a balloon. Traffic cop: if you just cooperate sir, it'll soon be a dog."
"Twitter is the only place where black people can follow me,and not get nervous about it"
"[me narrating a documentary about the pyramids] I really want a Toblerone for some reason."
"Whats's Glenn's favourite restaurant? Popeyes"