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Joke of the Day

"MAYBE PEACH JUST LIKES BOWSER A LOT AND WE'RE FOLLOWING A NARRATIVE OF MARIO THE DELUSIONAL HOMEWRECKER. *cops pull me from operating room*"

"Me: I'm having a problem with my computer: IT guy: Have you tried punching it? Me: That's the first thing I tried. I'm not an idiot."

"I'm a Renaissance Man in the sense that I'm confused and frightened by everything in 2011."

"I've been digging through piles of fossils all day. No Homo."

"""Well, there goes the end of my arm,"" said Tom offhandedly."

"Me and my Pink Floyd cover band played at an Epilepsy Awareness Concert... ... we absolutely killed!"

"A sloth was robbed by 2 turtles Sloth robbed by 2 turtles. Cop asks if he could describe the assailants. Sloth replies, ""It all happened so fast."""

"""ARE YOU IN THERE LOOKING AT GUYS STARING AT THEIR COMPUTERS AGAIN?!?!"" - porn's parents"

"[on a date] Play it cool don't let her know you're a refrigerator [her ex-boyfriend turns off the electricity] ""This isn't cool man."""

"[Mugshot photographer] Me: now lets do a silly one"