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Joke of the Day

"What does Harry Potter say when he walks into a bar? I Expectsum Patronum"

"-Give it to me straight doc. -You'll never walk again. -Now give it to me gay. -You'll never stroll merrily down the boardwalk again."

"Dwayne Johnson's new television show on the food network Can you cook what The Rock is smelling?"

"What do fat chicks do in the summer? Stink."

"A world without women... A world without women could be a real pain in the ass."

"What do you call a rich frog? A gold-blooded reptile."

"When I think of you, I touch myself. With my finger. In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous."

"woman vs Food would be a very boring show where she gazes wistfully at the dessert menu and sighs."

"Sometimes waking up means the best part of your day is over!"

"if i'm bleeding out in an alley & you approach me w/an app that would save me, but i'd have to login using facebook, i'd be fine w/just dyin"