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Joke of the Day

"Why did the vengeful fireman lose his job? He tried fighting fire with fire."

"The missus just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof."

"How do you get certified as an interior decorator? You don't pull out"

"Today I've smoked 2 packs of cigs, eaten only deep-fried foods & took the seatbelts out of my truck. Free healthcare is going to be awesome."

"RAN INTO A COWORKER AT TARGET. DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS BUYING BABY CLOTHES FOR MY CAT SO I TOLD HER I'M PREGNANT"

"I have just endorsed Andy Murray on LinkedIn for tennis."

"My 1 year old doesn't laugh when I fart. I can only hope his sense of humor grows more sophisticated with time..."

"My friend turned up to my costume party dressed as an abacus. I knew I could count on him."

"What do you call an Australian who's prejudiced against grains? A riceist. (It sounds better when you say it aloud)"

"picture a bunch of dogs at a bar getting drunk off of a beer called air bud light"