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Joke of the Day

"What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date? It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not?"

"Falafel is a weird name cuz I actually falgreat every time I eat one"

"What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion."

"Top prank: when your friend falls asleep, place his hand in a bowl of warm water so he wakes up with one regular hand & one wrinkly one."

"""Hey Cyclops are you still dating Jean?"" ""No Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..."" *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*"

"Why was the tree soooo happy? Because he didn't arbor any feelings!"

"A guy goes to his doctor, and the doctor tells him, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" And the guy's like, ""Wait, why?"" The doctor reploes, ""So I can examine you."""

"What do you call it when you lease false teeth? A dental rental."

"Man: You've brought religion into my life. Woman: Really? How? Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell."

"Whenever someone says ""let's get weird"" my first thought is ""I'm already there"""