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Joke of the Day

"The difference between ""Girlfriend"" and ""Girl Friend"" is that little space in between we call the ""Friend Zone""."

"[caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit"

"When I can't tell someone's gender, I kick the closest toddler and see how they react."

"How do I feel about your goatee? I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that?"

"What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer? You take me for grunted."

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!"

"If Hillary Clinton stripped off her pant suit, what would you see? Depends."

"Why did the hipster burn his tung? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool..."

"ME: *brings my mom to a knife fight* MOM: *shouting* use your words! MOM: *chasing knife fighters away with a broom* I know your mothers!"

"I'm glad I haven't seen any German sausage jokes.. they are just the wurst!"