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Joke of the Day

"ME: *brings my mom to a knife fight* MOM: *shouting* use your words! MOM: *chasing knife fighters away with a broom* I know your mothers!"

"When writing a resume, it's much more valuable to say you are an expert at ""replicate and repurpose functionality"" than ""copy and paste."""

"Glad to live in a time where being social doesn't require making eye contact."

"So I was doing research on WWII. The Americans were winning the war with flying colors. And by that of course, I mean the Tuskegee Airmen."

"""Moooooooo"" - bilingual donkey"

"Even death can't get you out of the friend zone... she'll be at your funeral like ""he was like a brother to me"""

"Math problems were invented by men, just so women would be wrong some of the time."

"Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother? He: My name is paul."

"What was Hitler's favourite song? Knocking on ovens door"

"Elvis My wee pet mouse elvis has died ! He got caught in a trap !"