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Joke of the Day

"[caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit"

"Woah guys, did you hear Oxygen and Magnesium got together? OMg!"

"If I was a fish... I'd be a broke trout."

"What do you call a strongheaded female rapper, and a flatulent Spanish woman? One's a Queen Latifah, and one's a Queef Latina."

"Muhammad The police would be upon him"

"My barber is a specialist in road map shaves. How come? When he's finished your face is full of short cuts."

"Why is everyone in the Soviet Union always in a hurry? Why is everyone in the Soviet Union is always in a hurry? They're all Russian."

"What's the difference between raping and rapping? One's mostly done by criminals in shady neighborhoods, and the other is sex without consent."

"Why am I fat? Every time I fuck your girlfriend, she gives me a cookie"

"I hate when weather reporters talk shit on snow...Like why are u even in the weather biz if ur not down w/ snow"