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Joke of the Day

"Why is the Camel so hard to see in the desert? Because it's Camel-flaged..."

"Why didn't the shrimp share his treasure? He was a little shellfish."

"I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like. How do you do that? I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!"

"A Hydrogen atom walks into a bar... ...and asks for a shot. Bartender, ""what's the occasion?"" Atom, ""I think I lost an electron."" Bartender, ""you sure?"" Atom, ""I'm positive."""

"Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?"

"There was a little girl who had a curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very good. But when she was bad, hot damn, she was terrific!"

"I hate my dodgy household appliances... My hairdryer sucks and my vaccum blows."

"What does a Japanese chef shout in bed? Ooo mami! (Umami)"

"When I'm on reddit When I'm drunk on reddit: ""Perhaps an up vote for this fine sir, he provided intriguing content."" When I'm sober on reddit: ""YOU SHALL ALL BE DOWN VOTED! NO ONE SHALL BE UP VOTED!"""

"I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%."