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Joke of the Day

"Sci Fi Films I don't understand why in Sci Fi films, whenever there's danger they never send in a Cargo ship. So much for the Element of Supplies."

"Today, a man looked me right in the face & said ""You're not hot!"" Actually it was a cop &he said ""Here's your ticket. Have a nice evening."""

"The American school system is a lot like an EA game... It's mostly broken and if you pay more money you can access things that make you have an advantage over everyone else."

"Sometimes when my dogs piss me off I put their leashes on them, then I sit on the toilet for 20 mins and make them watch."

"How is sleeping with a girl whose dad is in the other room the same as being kidnapped? Come quietly and nobody gets hurt."

"What blood type are most grammar Nazis have? A Type O"

"No matter how you behave with people around you. They will love you according to their NEED and MOOD"

"Sorry I tweeted before texting you back. Sorry I opened your Snapchat but didn't respond. Sorry these are things we actually worry about now"

"What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal? Peas and hominy"

"Why did Jared stop eating subway? (NSFW) Because now he prefers cheese pizza"