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Joke of the Day

"I was talking to my buddy about 50 Shades Of Grey He said ""yeah, my wife and I have been doing S&M for years."" ""Really!"", I said, ""I had no idea!"" ""Sure,"" he said, ""she sleeps and I masturbate!"""

"[robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*"

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me!"

"Brazone : when a woman wants you to always support her, but gets rid of you the moment she is home and comfortable."

"I'm a straight white guy who gets sad and is terrified of intimacy. Give me my own show! I am so unique!!!!!!"

"I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"You guys want to hear a joke? Women's rights."

"funny how people who earn philosophy degrees probably at some point ask themselves ""why did i do this"""

"If you insist on telling me about your weekend, I suggest you do it in the bathroom, as it's the only place I'll give a shit."

"I make my girlfriend work out 5 times a week and eat healthy. I don't want her getting fat like my wife."