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Joke of the Day

"How to get a girl to like you: 1. Become a lion tamer 2. Release a lion on her 3. Tame it right before it kills her 4. Take her to Chili's?"

"2 guys walk into a bar. The first one says i want h2O and has a drink. Says damn this is good. The second guy says ""bartender, I want some h2O too."" The second guy dies."

"Yes, people who exercise live longer. But those extra years are spent...umm...excercising!"

"What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune? T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet."

"I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me... She calls me her sixty second lover...."

"Sausage festivals... They're the wurst kind."

"""Do you masturbate?"" Friend:""Do you Jack off? Me:""Yes, I do"". Friend:""How many guys a day?"""

"[leaving a birthday party with my pinata friend] i swear i didn't know they were going to do that ""Just take me home"""

"Why are there no mexican in the olympics? Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!"

"Did you hear about the guy who invented a knife that can cut four loaves of bread at once? He's calling it the ""Four Loaf Cleaver."""