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Joke of the Day

"Yes, people who exercise live longer. But those extra years are spent...umm...excercising!"

"If human civilization had a narrator it would just be some guy repeating ""Little did they know..."" over and over and over."

"My New Girlfriend Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend."

"I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator. We speak to eachother on so many different levels."

"When a guy thinks that older women are more into him than they actually are... Is it an example of the Dunning-Cougar effect?"

"What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Adolf Hitler? Hitler can't finish a race"

"I'm not only glad that toothpaste was invented I'm enamelled by it."

"The fireworks have been over for hours but Rex is still barking, which is weird because he's 12 years old and not a dog. Weird little kid."

"There are exactly 2 options for headphone cord sizes: 1. Headphone users have torsos? 2. Giraffe strangler"

"Arabs have invented a time machine It's called Islam. It takes any civilization back to the 7th century."