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Joke of the Day

"The best advice I can give to Black Friday shoppers is to come early and take a shit by the door so everyone tracks it in."

"Why is it hard to break up with a Japenese girl? ...you have to drop the bomb twice in order for her to get it."

"Sometimes it's better to keep using the wrong key until you find the right lock."

"*Husband using Ouija board after I've died* Please answer me *arrow moves* ""It's on the top shelf. Right there. RIGHT THERE! Use your eyes!"""

"Samsung have done well with the Galaxy Note 7 Sales are blowing up!"

"Why are there gay aliens on mars? Because curiosity got the best of them."

"American: I was just at a shotgun wedding Me: How far pregnant was the bride? American: You English are insane Shotguns can't get pregnant"

"What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies? Bingo"

"Always trust the judgements of a man who honestly answers to the question 'What's up?'"

"if your religion infringes on people's rights; sorry, you've had hundreds of years to change everyone's mind- obviously that hasn't happened"