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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the chicken cross the road? It chickened out"

"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding."

"A group of Germans walk into a BAR... after 20 rounds there are no survivors."

"Let he who is without sin, get the hell away from me."

"If you're heartbroken, remember: There are plenty of fish in the sea. But I'd advise giving mankind another chance first."

"I wish the mailman would come to my house at the same time as the garbage man so he could give my mail directly to him."

"5-year-old: My teacher said this project needs adult supervision. Me: OK, what do you need me to do? 5-year-old: Go find Mom."

"I don't always take the derivative of x^2.... But when I do, it's dos equis."

"My oldest played with BPA free toys that I sterilized constantly. My youngest is playing with a metal coat hanger and a AA battery."

"*Takes out phone & plays Cindi Lauper's True Colors as you reach for the last slice of pizza without asking*"