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Joke of the Day

"My boss just said, ""Everyone dies alone."" I told him, ""you don't have to die alone, just get in your car and aim for a school bus."""

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"Boyfriend asked me to put a few planks of wood together... Nailed it!"
"A double entendre is when I don't know what the hell you're saying. Twice."
"I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed."
"Son, i don't think you are cut out to be a mime. Son: Was it something I said?"
"Read aloud and quickly: ""One smart feller, he felt smart"" Freudian slip?"
"How do you get a Mormon to not drink all of your beer on a fishing trip? Bring two Mormons."
"When I was younger, I thought I had a Chinese friend. But it was just my imaginasian."
"Why are politicians different from prostitutes? With prostitutes, the more money you pay the more you'll get fucked."
"[god making cheetahs] Let's just squish a giraffe and give it whiskers"