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Joke of the Day

"Well, that escalated quickly! http://imgur.com/Sjrxt6L"

"And that's why I never argue with my wife. Wife : Don't forget to pick up kids from school. Me : It's Saturday, they're both upstairs. Wife : It's Wednesday and we've three kids."

"Why did the Irish woman only put 239 beans into her bean soup? Because 1 more would have been 240..."

"If the people that drink it are any indication, Diet Coke does not work."

"Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low..."

"I dreamed I was floating in an ocean of soda, but when I awoke I realized it was just a Fanta Sea."

"Women defy physics. The heavier they get, the easier they are to pick up."

"Google in the 80s ""I'm sorry, did you mean to search for *Deaf Leopard*?"""

"You don't know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself"

"I have a bumper sticker that says ""Honk if you think I'm sexy."" Then I just wait at green lights until I feel better about myself."