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Joke of the Day

"I have a bumper sticker that says ""Honk if you think I'm sexy."" Then I just wait at green lights until I feel better about myself."

"Did you hear that Tom Brady is running for president? His platform is lowering inflation."

"What is a pedophiles favorite Italian meal? Chicken Statutory....I'm going, I'm going...sorry but this is how my brain works before I've had coffee."

"Are you made of Copper and Tellurium? Because you're CU TE"

"The reason why Scientology can't be a religion? There are no 1,000,000 people that died because of Scientology."

"TIL the Hindenburg fire wasn't caused by excess heat After all, it's not the heat, it's the humanity."

"People only hate jury duty because they have to go to a courthouse. Let em stay home and they'll tweet who's guilty all day."

"What is the correct way to refer to an OP who resides in Europe? The Continental OP."

"When the sun explodes you will have eight minutes before the world ends. In a related story, you might want to order dessert now."

"Warning to ppl who drink & drive, yday while driving, frnd took his arm out to indicate right turn & someone took his beer. Rascals! #txt"