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Joke of the Day

"Movie Trivia: Cloverfield was just Khloe Kardashian on a shopping trip in New York"

"Do you like this hotel? Then why don't you Marriott !!!! Hahahah"

"Dad said I wasn't allowed to go out wearing this skirt because it's ""too revealing""... Fuck you, dad, I'm a grown man and I'll do what I want!"

"Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married."

"So a Korean ferry capsized with over 280 people lost overboard. Not entirely a waste. Now we have 280 extra divers looking for flight MH370."

"Why do lesbians never cook? Because they eat out."

"Why did the goose cross the road? Because he's an asshole."

"these tweets brought to you by me waiting to hear back from my weed guy"

"Greeks lined up for ATM? Isn't that kinda their thing?"

"The oldest written recipe is for beer. Even when most people couldn't read or write, they knew they had to mark that shit down somehow."