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Joke of the Day

"Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married."

"the thing about the weather getting colder is that it makes you think you want to date someone when what you want is heavy socks"

"Why did the Turkey join the band? because he had two Drumsticks."

"7: Its the last week of school so we don't have to go. Can I stay home? Me: Ha! Nice try, kid. Teacher: Its true. Me: Ha! NICE TRY, TEACHER."

"Today I'm cancer free! And all the days before that, but it still counts."

"What do you call fruits that aren't allowed to marry? [OC] Cantaloupes."

"Why did the pirate become a tenor? Because he has a lot of experience on the high C."

"Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor's campsite with bacon powder."

"If I had a pound for every time i misunderstood an expression... I'd way a fucking ton!"

"What did the police officer say to his stomach? I've got you under a vest."