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Joke of the Day

"It is tough being a horny pagan with no regular religious holidays... ... because all you can look forward to is getting the Wiccans off."

"Why did the homeless women keep flies in a plastic bottle? That was her vibrator."

"Who laughs the last? The one who you have to explain the joke to."

"[bursts into garage] ""why is your car still on? you've been in here for 3 days"" i'm trying to kill myself ""but you drive an electric car"""

"A priest, a theif, and a child molester enters a bar. He buys a drink."

"I love my 5yr old dearly, but if he keeps saying ""Dark"" Vader I may have to sell him."

"How do you communicate with the Loch Ness Monster at 20000 fathoms? Drop him a line."

"Why do Europeans hate American food? Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet."

"Social Security. Get it? You will when you're 65."

"I just bought condoms. The cashier asked if I needed a bag. I just said ""No, she isn't that ugly"""