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Joke of the Day

"On Possession So me and my sister when in a fight and she said, ""Your so possessive"", I responded, ""What about my possession, is it ok?"

"[Inspecting car] *kicks tire* ""Mmhm just as I suspected, it can withstand a single kick."""

"Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween? She identified as pump-kin."

"""Half a dozen"" because saying '6' is way too long... >_<"

"HOW TO JOG: 1. Put on jogging outfit. 2. Go outside. 3. Imagine a cow galloping down the street. 4. Try to milk that cow."

"My dad told me that no one Really needs Heroin in thier Life I think my dad is sexist"

"A small plane crashed into a cemetery... the forensics found no survivors. They have found 268 bodies by sunset. They will continue searching tomorrow morning..."

"Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions."

"Best thing about being a professional bagpiper is.. We get the best blow jobs."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer. What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes? Still, no eye deer."