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Joke of the Day

"I saw a poor cat down the street So I felt bad and gave it two dollars"

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? Birds can fly, but flies can't bird"

"I could make a sandwich before a British person finishes saying ""et cetera."""

"Have you heard about the guy who had his whole left side amputated? I heard he is all right now."

"I get hit with a lot of folding chairs for someone that's not a professional wrestler."

"Pronounce it ""Valentimes Day"" so Cupid will know to shoot you right in your stupid face."

"9/10 Redditors are idiots I'm glad to be the 1%"

"Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?"

"If babies knew how shitty life gets they wouldn't be giggling so much. Ignorant little bastards."

"Did you hear about the guy who died from eating too many doughnuts? You could say... He went out in a glaze of glory (_) ( _)>- (_)"