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Joke of the Day

"Me: What's the point if it's not a little violent, dirty? I wanna feel alive. The blood makes me feel ALIVE. Dentist: Please just floss more"

"Why would Trump not lose any votes if he shot someone? Because he doesn't have any in the first place"

"When you think your man is being romantic but really he just doesn't have electricity."

"Its easier to be friends with people online."

"Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story."

"good morning class *farts* today we'll *farts* be learning *farts* abou *farts* oh god *farts* call an ambula *farts* it hurts so much *fa"

"What's a lawyer's favorite type of cake? Torte"

"Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because she can't fit into D shells"

"Still super weird to me that humans can make other smaller humans. I wish mozzarella sticks could make other smaller mozzarella sticks."

"*looks up pics of spiders on gloogle* nice nice *turns mature content filter OFF* NICE NICE"