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Joke of the Day

"What's the similarity between a bad postman and an eviction notice There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail"

"Every toddler is basically a 1/8th scale model of a person on bath salts."

"Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks."

"A man with a gun enters a bar... ...""Who had sex with my wife?"" he snarled. A muffled voice heard in the background said, ""You don't have enough bullets for that mate."""

"What do you call a gay guy's kidney stones? Fruity pebbles"

"My girlfriend's ex won't leave her alone. I'd drive there and do something about it if my wife would just give me the keys."

"[Army Shooting Range] Officer: Are you locked & loaded? Soldiers: YES SIR! Officer: You may fire at will! Soldier Named Will: WTF?"

"Arguing w him is like playing Pictionary w/ the person who draws one weird little shape and just keeps circling it over and over and over."

"What would have happened if Alexander Fleming met Euler? They would have discovered Penicil(e^(x))"

"Why do the Japaneese have squinty eyes? Do you have any idea how bright a nuke is?"