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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: You smell good. What is that? Armani? Me: Thanks! It's Febreze. I just took a dump."

"to do list I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can't figure out who's going to do it"

"I love blowing Leafs in this beautiful Fall weather. Leafs Anderson, he is a real stand up guy."

"How I view dogs: Beagle, German Shepherd, Poodle, Pitbull, Labrador. How I view cats: Cat, cat, cat, cat."

"At first I couldn't get used to all the plants in my living room... But I think I started growing into it."

"5: I want to do something no one else has ever done. Me: Help me clean? 5: No. Something fun."

"Pregnancy in the 1940's. (Doc) - ""Mrs. Smith, I have some **great** news for you"".... (Patient) - ""Thats MISS Smith, doctor!"".... (Doc) - ""Miss Smith, I have some *bad* news for you""...."

"Aren't dad jokes great? I got a bad sunburn a week ago, and my skin is staring to peel of.I guess you could say that it's.....appealing"

"My wife told me I'm an emotional, emotional, insecure coward. Now I feel depressed. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid she'll leave me any time. **** Dammit, I spoiled it with the double emotional."

"Why do cowgirls walk bow-legged? Because cowboys eat with their hats on!"