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Joke of the Day
"Do you know why the government is important? It isn't, now have a landmine. -Ron Swanson"
Next Joke
"It's so frustrating when your therapist tells you to go to your happy place then yells at you when you show up at her house"
"Every time you reach under the couch for something a giant spider must choose whether or not to give up its secure location."
"If you've ever written an uppercase ""L"", you've drawn 1/4 of a swastika. Way to go, racist!"
"What language does gay Jesus speak? Heblew"
"My wife has just walked out the door with the kids for good because of my addiction to horse racing. In fact, I can see them now they're all at the gate and they're off!"
"What's the programmer's favorite drug? A line of code."
"Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers."
"How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum? He goes chew chew chew... creds to my 5yo brother"
"[mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*"