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Joke of the Day

"Someone stole a kitchen utensil from my house He said it was a whisk worth taking"

"What is long, hard and leaves a warm, white, sticky substance in your mouth? Toothbrush."

"I hate the Nazis so much They make me goddamned Fuhrious!"

"Did you hear about the swingers.. that got kicked out of the swap meet?"

"The Pope and Raquel Welch are stranded on a life boat They're out on the ocean and, yada yada yada, and she says, ""Those aren't buoys"""

"This is how bad immigration is getting. I walked into my local corner shop wondering if I could pay by my card and all I said was ""Visa?"" The fucking twat ran off!"

"8: Mama, did you read this story when you were a kid? Me: *smiling* Why yes, I did. 8: It's a really old story then, I guess."

"I think I'm about to be molested by an alpaca... Today some guy on the street kept screaming at me to ""be ready for the alpaca lips"""

"If GoT fans of Jon Snow are called Snowflakes, and the ones for Tirion are Tiriots, why is Arya the favorite character of Donald Trump supporters? They're Aryans."

"Why don't you ever see any Muslim methheads? They all just get stoned instead."